I just started crying abruptly. I’m tired. I’ve been crumbling and condensing all this stress, pressure, hardships, sadness, anger, inability, frustration, weakness and disappointment for the last months in my soul; and what a great burden, especially when you don’t have someone to talk to. I could’t cry lately, to relieve and condole my tired soul, body and mind. Then, I opened an old album of our pictures, and a picture of mine at my 7th birthday was in it. The feelings rushed into my eyes, and drowned thenm in tears. I cried for that young girl; the fact all she wanted is to be loved, nourished with warmth; be appreciated; called beautiful; be safe. I was JUST SEVEN yo; standing with my birthday cake in my birthday party with a retracted posture, and a nervous smile covering my croaked teeth. The picture omitted insecurity. 7 yo old and insecure in my own birthday party; that was the trigger I needed to release this cocktail of confused emotions. Still, those tears don’t wash reality.

Did progress test yesterday!!! I think I russian rouletted it! insha’a Allah ya rab 5ayer!!!!!!!


I’m tired of being called a smart/brain all the time; I’m not that intelligent, I just work so hard to get where I am. I know I don’t have the assets that conforms to the society’s perspective of beauty nor to your so-called-taste-of-yours that is deeply affected by the corrupted image the society has greatly influenced, I just want to be called beautiful and be spoiled. I’m tired of being the hard worker, the achiever, the sarcastic, the thick-skinned. I’m tired of being tough; I’m vulnerable, weak and sensitive. I’m tired of your expectations.