I just started crying abruptly. I’m tired. I’ve been crumbling and condensing all this stress, pressure, hardships, sadness, anger, inability, frustration, weakness and disappointment for the last months in my soul; and what a great burden, especially when you don’t have someone to talk to. I could’t cry lately, to relieve and condole my tired soul, body and mind. Then, I opened an old album of our pictures, and a picture of mine at my 7th birthday was in it. The feelings rushed into my eyes, and drowned thenm in tears. I cried for that young girl; the fact all she wanted is to be loved, nourished with warmth; be appreciated; called beautiful; be safe. I was JUST SEVEN yo; standing with my birthday cake in my birthday party with a retracted posture, and a nervous smile covering my croaked teeth. The picture omitted insecurity. 7 yo old and insecure in my own birthday party; that was the trigger I needed to release this cocktail of confused emotions. Still, those tears don’t wash reality.
Did progress test yesterday!!! I think I russian rouletted it! insha’a Allah ya rab 5ayer!!!!!!!
Guilt and overthinking
are False angina and GERD!
And we finished the CVS block!!!!
wooohoooo! alhamdu lillah! one block older!
I’m tired of being called a smart/brain all the time; I’m not that intelligent, I just work so hard to get where I am. I know I don’t have the assets that conforms to the society’s perspective of beauty nor to your so-called-taste-of-yours that is deeply affected by the corrupted image the society has greatly influenced, I just want to be called beautiful and be spoiled. I’m tired of being the hard worker, the achiever, the sarcastic, the thick-skinned. I’m tired of being tough; I’m vulnerable, weak and sensitive. I’m tired of your expectations.